Understanding emotional intelligence in children is an important part of supporting their early development. From the toddler years onwards, children begin experiencing big feelings before they have the words, confidence, or control to manage them.
For parents, this can sometimes look like tantrums, tears, frustration, clinginess, or sudden changes in behaviour. However, these moments are also opportunities to help children understand what they’re feeling and learn how to express themselves in a healthy way.
In this blog, we take a deeper dive into what emotional intelligence means in early childhood, why it matters for learning and relationships, and how you can support emotions in young children and toddlers through simple, everyday moments.
What is emotional intelligence in children?
Emotional intelligence in children is the ability to recognise, understand, express, and manage emotions. It also includes being able to notice how other people feel and respond with care and empathy.
In early childhood, emotional intelligence doesn’t mean a child can calmly explain every feeling or manage every difficult moment perfectly. Young children are still developing the brain skills needed for self-control, patience, and problem-solving.
Instead, emotional intelligence at this stage might look like:
- Beginning to name simple feelings such as happy, sad, cross, scared, or excited
- Showing comfort when another child is upset
- Asking for help when they feel frustrated
- Learning to calm down after becoming overwhelmed
- Understanding that other people can feel differently to them
For toddlers and pre-school children, emotional intelligence develops gradually through safe relationships, repetition, play, and adult guidance. Children learn best when the adults around them model calm responses, name feelings clearly, and help them understand that all emotions are valid.
The Department for Education’s early years guidance highlights the importance of warm, accepting, and curious adult support when helping children understand emotions, including giving children the words they need to name and express feelings.
How does emotional intelligence in children benefit early learning?
Emotional intelligence plays a key role in early learning because children need to feel safe, understood, and emotionally secure before they can fully engage with the world around them.
When a child begins to understand their feelings, they’re often better able to manage everyday challenges. This can help with sharing, listening, concentrating, taking turns, and building friendships.
Developing emotional intelligence in children can support:
- Communication skills – children learn to use words to describe how they feel rather than relying on crying, shouting, or physical behaviour.
- Confidence and independence – when children understand their emotions, they become more confident asking for help, trying new activities, and expressing their needs.
- Social development – emotional intelligence helps children recognise how others may be feeling, which supports kindness, empathy, and positive friendships.
- Behaviour and self-regulation – children who are supported to understand emotions gradually learn healthier ways to manage frustration, disappointment, excitement, and worry.
- School readiness – emotional confidence helps children cope with routines, transitions, group activities, and new learning experiences.
However, this doesn’t happen overnight. In the early years, children need adults to help regulate their emotions before they can manage feelings independently. The Children’s Society describes this type of support as helping children understand emotions and build strategies to cope with challenges.
How to explain emotions to a child
Knowing how to explain emotions to a child can make a big difference to how they understand and respond to their feelings. The key is to keep language simple, clear, and connected to real-life experiences.
Rather than waiting for big emotional moments, try talking about feelings throughout the day. For example, you might say “You look excited because we’re going to the park,” or “I can see you feel sad because your tower fell down.”
This helps children connect the feeling in their body with a word they can use.
You can also explain emotions through:
- Facial expressions – use mirrors, pictures, or your own face to show happiness, sadness, anger, worry, or surprise.
- Body language – explain that feelings can show up in the body. For example, you could say “When we feel angry, our hands might feel tight,” or “When we feel worried, our tummy might feel funny.”
- Everyday situations – use real moments to gently explain emotions. For example, “You wanted the toy, but it was someone else’s turn. That made you feel frustrated.”
- Simple choices – ask questions such as, “Are you feeling cross or tired?” This gives toddlers language without overwhelming them.
- Calm repetition – young children often need to hear the same words many times before they start using them independently.
You should try to avoid dismissing emotions with phrases like “don’t be silly” or “you’re fine.” Instead, acknowledge the feeling while still holding boundaries. For example, you could say “I know you’re angry about leaving the park. It’s fine to be angry, but hitting is not allowed.”
This helps children learn that feelings are acceptable, even when certain behaviours are not.
5 ways to nurture emotions for toddlers
Supporting emotions for toddlers is often about using everyday moments to build emotional awareness. You don’t need formal lessons or complicated activities. Small, consistent responses from trusted adults can have a lasting impact.
Below are five practical ways you can nurture emotional intelligence in children at home.
1. Normalise all feelings
One of the most helpful things you can teach a child is that all feelings are normal. Happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, fear, excitement, and frustration are all part of being human.
Rather than labelling emotions as ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ try describing them as comfortable or uncomfortable. This helps children understand that difficult feelings are not something to be ashamed of.
For example, you can say:
- “It’s okay to feel cross”
- “You felt sad when Daddy left for work”
- “You were excited and your body felt very busy”
- “You felt worried because it was new”
Normalising feelings doesn’t mean allowing every behaviour. You can validate the emotion while setting clear limits. For example, you might say “You’re angry, and I understand. But I won’t let you throw toys.”
This approach helps children feel understood while gently teaching safe ways to express themselves.
2. Use books and stories to explain emotions
Books are a brilliant way to help children understand feelings. Stories give children the chance to explore emotions from a safe distance, through characters and situations they can relate to.
When reading together, pause and ask simple questions, such as:
- “How do you think they feel?”
- “Why are they sad?”
- “What could help them feel better?”
- “Have you ever felt like that?”
Picture books are especially useful for toddlers because they can see emotions in facial expressions and body language. You can also point out feelings in familiar stories, even if the book isn’t specifically about emotions.
For example, if a character loses a toy, you might say, “They look upset. I think they miss their toy.” This helps build emotional vocabulary in a gentle, natural way.
3. Celebrate empathy
Empathy is a key part of emotional intelligence in children. It develops gradually as children begin to understand that other people have feelings too.
You can encourage empathy by noticing kind and caring behaviour when it happens. For example:
- “That was kind. You gave your friend a toy when they were sad.”
- “You noticed your sister was upset and brought her blanket.”
- “You waited while your friend had a turn. That was thoughtful.”
It’s also helpful to model empathy yourself. If your child is upset, show them what empathy sounds like: “I can see this is really hard for you. I’m here.” Over time, children begin to copy these responses in their own relationships.
4. Play ‘Name the Feeling’ games
Learning about emotions can be playful. Simple games help children practise recognising and naming feelings without pressure.
Some games you could try include:
- Making different feeling faces in the mirror
- Looking at pictures and naming the emotion
- Using soft toys to act out feelings
- Drawing simple happy, sad, angry, or surprised faces
- Asking, “Can you show me your excited face?”
For toddlers, keep it short and fun. You might only want to focus on a few basic emotions to begin with, such as happy, sad, cross, and scared.
As children grow, you can introduce more complex words such as disappointed, proud, nervous, calm, or frustrated. This helps children build the emotional vocabulary they need to express themselves clearly.
5. Be a role model with your own feelings
Children learn a great deal by watching the adults around them. When you calmly name and manage your own emotions, you’re showing your child what emotional intelligence looks like in real life.
This doesn’t mean pretending to be happy all the time. In fact, it can be helpful for children to see adults handle everyday emotions in healthy ways.
For example, you could share your emotions by saying:
- “I feel frustrated because I dropped the shopping, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”
- “I feel tired today, so I’m going to sit quietly for a minute.”
- “I’m sorry I used a cross voice. I was feeling stressed, but I should have spoken more kindly.”
This teaches children that emotions can be managed, mistakes can be repaired, and talking about feelings is normal.
The Anna Freud Centre also highlights the value of mirroring and modelling children’s emotions, helping them feel recognised without trying to immediately change how they feel.
Find out how we support emotional intelligence in children
Supporting emotional intelligence in children starts with warm relationships, patient guidance, and everyday opportunities to talk about feelings. When children learn to recognise and express emotions, they become more confident, resilient, and ready to learn.
At Stepping Stones, we support children’s emotional development through caring relationships, play-based learning, stories, routines, and gentle guidance. Our team helps children name their feelings, understand others, build friendships, and develop the confidence they need during the early years.
If you’d like to learn more about how we support emotions for toddlers, early learning, and your child’s overall development, we’d love to welcome you to our day nursery. Book a visit today and discover how we support your little one’s emotional wellbeing, confidence, and early years journey.
FAQs around emotional intelligence in children
Why is emotional intelligence important for young children?
Emotional intelligence helps children develop confidence, communication skills, empathy, and self-regulation. Children who are supported emotionally often find it easier to build friendships, manage frustrations, adapt routines, and feel more secure in new environments such as nursery or school. Supporting emotional intelligence in children from a young age can have long-term benefits for both learning and wellbeing.
What age do toddlers start understanding emotions?
Toddlers begin recognising basic emotions from a very young age, often before they can clearly express them with words. By around 18 months to 2 years, many children start identifying simple feelings such as happiness, sadness, or anger. As they grow, their understanding of emotions becomes more developed with support from parents, carers, and early years settings.
How can I encourage empathy in my child?
Empathy develops when children begin understanding that other people have feelings too. You can encourage this by modelling kind behaviour, talking about how others may feel, praising caring actions, and using stories to discuss emotions. Emotional intelligence in children grows through repeated, real-life experiences rather than formal teaching.
What if my child struggles to talk about their feelings?
This is completely normal, especially for younger children. Many toddlers feel emotions strongly long before they have the words to explain them. Focus on explaining emotions in simple, consistent ways without pressure. Over time, repeated emotional language and calm support will help them build confidence.